After a sweaty climb up the mountain, being overtaken by more than one old dodder, we emerged successful high above the Canterbury plains (and the dreaded Lees Valley – where I could make out the fateful access road that obliterated Shaun’s car).
We could also see Tram Rd stretching out into the distance, it is the longest road in the world and nobody can change my mind. Although when we had driven down it earlier, we scoped out a scenic Tattoo parlour where we pledged on return to get matching ‘Mt Richardson’ tattoos in honour of the memorable trip to come.
We hoed into lunch i.e. I nibbled on my cranberries while watching the others in jealousy as they ate their properly prepared sandwiches and pizzas. Digestives for the win though right – surely Arnott’s for the next sponsorship package?
After all of the disgusting self-timers taken in my lifetime, you would think I’d stop trying, but no. We became obsessed trying to capture the perfect photo of us at the summit – and this is what we got 
We descended down the questionably named ‘Blowhard’ track, jumping in the scarce rock-solid patches of snow.
An iced over pool of water lay next to the track. Matthew planted a tree in this frozen puddle. And it was here that Matthew found Richard – a thicc boi piece of ice. The purpose of this leisurely Sunday trip seemed to fall into place, Richard would be coming home.
With renewed speed and higher intensity, we overtook the lady who had overtaken us less than 5 minutes before. Richard’s life expectancy was fading quickly as we raced against the clock to reach the car park.
Every passing moment rendered Richard more similar to the murder weapon Colonel Mustard used in the Dining Hall.
Reaching the car, some members of the group were surprised to find that Richard was still a substantial block of ice. With tender love and care, Matthew wrapped Richard in a thermal and raincoat to prevent a further melt down – and to prevent the trusty Hyundai from converting into a moving fishbowl.
In the race against the clock, we zoomed past the tattoo parlour 😥 our hopes and dreams for Mt Richardson tats were quashed.
The sense of urgency had us hooning down Memorial Ave, nearly missing the right hand turn down Ilam Rd – thank goodness for the ‘special lady’ (the only practical landmark) reminding us which road Ilam Rd is.
Anticipation skyrocketed exponentially as we watched Richard being unwrapped. Would there be nothing but a puddle?? Defying the laws of thermodynamics, Richard had miraculously survived the journey.
And boy oh boy, did he make the quenchiest of G and T’s.
Author: Lexi Richards
26th July, 2020
Featuring Matthew Hopper, George Liu, Lexi Richards, Reuben Seeley, Maddie Taylor
CUTC 